Life Changing Moments: In Service of Others, Dr. Jay Wellons

jodyhanks
Jan 29, 2024
2 min read

Updated: Feb 4, 2024

The CE experience for this Podcast is powered by CMEfy – click here to reflect and earn credits: https://earnc.me/PSDB3Z

At some point all of us healthcare professionals will experience the vulnerability of being a patient. Depending on the circumstances, we emerge from these experiences with some new insight about what it’s like to be a patient, and hopefully that positively impacts how we are when we go back to practicing clinical care.

Today’s guest is Dr. Jay Wellons, Dr. Wellons had a significant illness experience. The diagnosis, treatment, and the prolonged recovery time turned out to be quite transformative for him.In addition to many other changes, it reawakened a dormant interest in writing about and sharing inspiring patient stories.

And, if it’s time that you underwent a transformation, it might be time to reach out to us at mymdcoaches.com

This Episode is brought to you today by Eagle Financial Group.

Eagle Financial Group is here to help you understand your numbers to make wise decisions.From fractional CFO services to accounting, bookkeeping, and payroll, Eagle financial group is your partner to ensure that your practice keeps on serving your patients, and gives you more time to spend with your family and friends.

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Access the Show Transcript Here

LCM 36: In Service of Others: Dr. Jay Wellons

Dr. Jay Wellens discusses his transformative illness experience, emphasizing the importance of compassion and empathy in healthcare for doctors and patients. Tune in for insights on the origins and growth of compassion.

2024, Dr. Dael WaxmanLife Changing Moments

Produced by Clawson Solutions Group (www.csolgroup.com)

Generated Shownotes

Chapters

0:00:00 The Vulnerability of Healthcare Professionals as Patients 0:01:18 Impact of Being a Patient on Dr. Wellens and Parenthood 0:01:56 Life-Changing Moments: Shifting Perspectives and Navigating Challenges 0:02:29 Introduction to Dr. Jay Wellens and his current profession 0:04:01 Reawakening the desire to write a book as a pediatric neurosurgeon 0:04:09 Inspiration to Write Stories about Neurosurgery Experiences 0:05:03 From Physician to Patient: A Different Perspective 0:08:00 From Mach 5 to Still: The Shocking Transition 0:10:42 Joy and Grief: Inseparable Emotions 0:11:52 Overwhelmed Doctor? Discover the Virtual Caregiver Conference Resource 0:13:44 Introducing Eagle Financial Group, your partner in financial matters.0:15:37 Dr. Wellens’ illness brought a shift in patient interactions.0:17:14 Dr. Wellens awarded the Master Teacher Award for surgeons.0:19:21 Compassion in Patient Care 0:20:44 Importance of Modeling Wellness 0:21:46 Introducing Physician Outlook Magazine 0:24:27 Compassion Modeled by Parents and Community 0:27:03 The Impact of Compassion on One Person’s Life 0:31:51 Rate and Review for More Listeners

Long Summary

In this episode of the podcast/show “Life-Changing Moments,” we have the privilege of speaking with Dr. Jay Wellens, a professor of neurosurgery at the Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt. Dr. Wellens shares his transformative illness experience that reignited his passion for writing and sharing inspiring patient stories. We highly recommend listening to Dr. Wellens’ previous appearance on our other podcast, Rx for Success.

During our conversation, we explore Dr. Wellens’ journey as both a patient and a physician. We discuss how being a patient changed him, not only in his medical practice but also as a teacher and writer. We also touch on the topic of raising compassionate children, an important aspect of our lives.

Recording this episode in Nashville, Tennessee, during unseasonably wintry weather, we take a moment to appreciate the unique circumstances. We play a section from Dr. Wellens’ previous interview, where he talks about his path to writing a book about his and his patients’ experiences. Intrigued by his story, we ask Dr. Wellens to share his own personal journey as a physician who became a patient.

Reflecting on our experiences, we share our own transformation from being less compassionate to becoming more patient-oriented physicians. We discuss the existential threat of being diagnosed with a tumor and the profound impact it had on our perspective on life. During our recovery, we took the time to reflect on our blessings and the importance of caring for others during their most vulnerable moments.

As we navigate through our journey, we mention writing a funny piece that was published in the New York Times, which eventually led us to write a more serious piece about a young girl involved in a car accident. The positive response we received from readers provided hope, particularly during the early days of the pandemic. We also discuss the resilience and joy we’ve witnessed in children we’ve cared for, despite experiencing sadness and grief. These combined experiences inspired us to write a book about our stories.

Transitioning, we briefly touch on an advertisement for a virtual caregiver conference that provides resources to doctors struggling with providing care and managing financial and caregiving matters for their patients. We have a sponsor for this episode, Eagle Financial Group, offering an array of services to help professionals understand their financial numbers and make wise decisions.

Returning to our main topic, we delve into how personal experiences can shape and change our perspectives as clinicians. We reflect on our own experience of facing an existential threat and how it led us to develop more empathy and compassion towards our patients. We no longer approach them as omniscient figures but as individuals with whom we sit beside, listen, and make decisions together. This shift in mindset has had a profound impact on us as clinicians.

Sharing a story of receiving an email from a patient who noticed the change in our approach, we discuss how experiencing pain personally has given us a deeper understanding of what our patients go through. We feel a sense of camaraderie with them and a responsibility to help them.

As program directors for a neurosurgery residency, we continue to be involved in teaching and mentoring residents. We highlight the significance of being recognized with the Master Teacher Award, indicating that our guidance is valued by the residents we mentor.

Additionally, we emphasize the importance of being open and transparent about our ongoing pain with our learners. We believe it’s crucial to have honest conversations about these experiences, as it helps them understand that challenges and imperfections are part of life. We touch on the existential and practical perspectives on pain and how it affects our bodies as we age.

Being open and compassionate with patients and residents is a priority for us. We acknowledge that sometimes patients with pain are overlooked in the medical system and express our commitment to changing that narrative. Taking the time to understand their history and provide the care they need is essential. We also emphasize the importance of modeling compassion for residents, enabling them to witness the positive impact it has on patients.

On our podcast/show, Rx for Success, we provide interviews with medical professionals who share their career journeys and offer valuable guidance. However, we understand that some listeners may require more personalized assistance, which is where coaching services provided by MD Coaches come in. As a team of physicians who understand the challenges doctors face, we want to support physicians and remind them that they don’t have to face their struggles alone.

Additionally, we recommend Physician Outlook, a magazine that showcases the interests and perspectives of physicians, providing valuable resources for creative and non-clinical pursuits.

Returning to our interview with Dr. Jay Wellens, we explore how compassion influenced our decision to pursue pediatric neurosurgery. We share personal anecdotes about compassionate role models in our lives, particularly our parents. Witnessing their acts of compassion, we learned the importance of empathy and love. We discuss the ways in which compassion has shaped us as individuals and as physicians, and the importance of discussing difficult news with empathy.

To conclude, we express our gratitude for having Dr. Jay Wellens on the show to delve into the origins and deepening of compassion. We encourage our listeners to rate and review us if they enjoyed this episode and invite them to join the MD Coaches community on Facebook to continue the conversation.

Brief Summary

In this episode, we speak with Dr. Jay Wellens, a professor of neurosurgery. He shares his transformative illness experience that reignited his passion for writing and sharing inspiring patient stories. We discuss how being a patient changed him as a physician and teacher. We also explore the importance of compassion and empathy in healthcare. Additionally, we highlight resources for doctors facing challenges and recommend Physician Outlook magazine. Join us as we delve into the origins and deepening of compassion with Dr. Wellens.

Transcript

The Vulnerability of Healthcare Professionals as Patients

[0:00] At some point, most, if not all of us healthcare professionals will experience the vulnerability of being a patient.Depending on the circumstances, we emerge from these experiences with some new insight about what it’s like to be a patient, and hopefully that positively impacts how we are when we go back to practicing clinical care.My guest today, Dr. Jay Wellens, had a significant illness experience. variants.The diagnosis, treatment, and the prolonged recovery time turned out to be quite transformative for him.In addition to many other changes, it reawakened a dormant interest in writing about and sharing inspiring patient stories.By way of introduction, Dr. Wellens is a professor of neurosurgery at the Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt, as well as medical director of the Surgical Outcomes Center for Kids, which he co-founded.In addition to his his prolific scientific writing. He’s been a contributor to the New York Times, Sunday Review, and Time Magazine, to name just a few.His book, All That Moves Us, a pediatric neurosurgeon, his young patients, and their stories of grace, is one of the contributions to humanity that emerged as a result of his illness and recovery time.

Impact of Being a Patient on Dr. Wellens and Parenthood

[1:18] Dr. Wellens was also a guest on our other podcast, Rx for Success number 172, and I highly recommend to listen.In this episode, Dr. Wellens and I talk about what it was like for him to be on the, quote, other side of the stethoscope, end quote, the impact that being a patient had on him existentially, and how this changed him as a physician and teacher, and even launched his writing.And for everyone who is or is considering Entering Parenthood, we talk about how to raise children so that they grow up to be compassionate adults. Please stay tuned.

Life-Changing Moments: Shifting Perspectives and Navigating Challenges

[1:56] There are times in our lives that change the way we see the world.Navigating these challenges can take insight, trusted confidants, or even a coach.Let’s explore those moments. In this companion podcast to Rx for Success, we will discover ways to learn and write our our own success stories together.I’m Dr. Dale Waxman, a physician coach with MD Coaches, and this is Life-Changing Moments.

Introduction to Dr. Jay Wellens and his current profession

[2:29] So, Dr. Jay Wellens, welcome to Life-Changing Moments and the MD Coaches Family of Podcasts. Good to have you with us.Great to be here. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming back.You know, just to get us started here today, for those that didn’t tune in to the interview on the other podcast, Rx for Success with Dr.Randy Cook, can you tell us where you are geographically and what you’re doing professionally right now?Well, Dale, I’m in Nashville, Tennessee. I’m at Monroe Carroll Jr.Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt, which is a mouthful. So sometimes we just say Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital.I am the chief of the division of pediatric neurosurgery.I’m also the vice chairman of the department. And I have been here for about 11 years or so.And currently, I’m standing in my office overlooking about six inches of snow, which is not very common in the city of Nashville, so it’s actually a little bit quiet, and I did use the Q word.So it is a little bit quiet right now, which is nice.

[3:32] That’s great. Yeah, we are recording this in the middle of January when there’s been some unseasonably wintry weather there in Tennessee.Yes, indeed. Well, just to kind of get us right into our topic for today, in your conversation with Randy, You talked about the path that led to reawakening a dormant desire to write a book about yours and your patients’ experiences as a pediatric neurosurgeon.

Reawakening the desire to write a book as a pediatric neurosurgeon

[4:01] So I’d like to play just a section of that episode to get us to that point.

Inspiration to Write Stories about Neurosurgery Experiences

[4:09] But it was my sister, Sarah, who basically said, you know, you should write some of these stories down that you’ve been talking to us about.And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll do it at some point, you know, but I’m busy. I’m a busy neurosurgeon. I got neurosurgery stuff to do.And then all of a sudden, I had a medical issue. You know, the number of times that I’d sat at a computer or put films up for a family to see a tumor in the brain and telling them that we would need to take it out and we would need to, you know, what it meant and was it benign or malignant and how long the child would be there and what the risks and benefits were from surgery.You know, I just have that conversation hundreds of times.And all of a sudden, instead of me sitting there saying it, it was me sitting there listening to somebody tell me I had a tumor in my pelvis that looked like it was benign, but was going to need to be resected.

From Physician to Patient: A Different Perspective

[5:03] You know we know from that interview with randy that that time and recovery led to you having some time to write the book what i’d like us to focus on if you’re okay with this is, something that didn’t get talked about in that podcast which was the physician as patient you know what it’s like to be on the other side of the stethoscope and just wonder if you could share with us a little bit about what that was like when you were now the patient instead of being the physician sharing that story.You know, there’s a movie. I can’t remember when the movie came out, maybe in the 90s. It was called The Doctor, which was starring William Hurt.And he was a cardiac surgeon who was relatively brusque and began to have a, what’s it called, hemoptysis blood when he would cough.And ultimately was noted to have throat cancer and underwent treatment and got to know a woman who had, I think, a stage four brain tumor and radiation and.

[6:02] And then the transformation that he took from a brusque cardiac surgeon to a now very student-friendly and patient-oriented physician.You know, my own journey is, I will say that I did not, I mean, it’s a great, I love that movie. It’s a great movie, but I didn’t start out as a brusque.You know, sometimes when I was trying to figure out why all this was happening, you know, I was just kind of talking to the divine and saying, I was already a relatively compassionate person.What’s the transformation that’s needed here?When you have something that is an existential threat, it really does cause you to look back on the time that you spent on this earth and to look at the things you’ve spent time doing and putting together.And also, if you think that you’ve lived a worthwhile life of what we’re called to do, too, which is to be good people to one another and serve one another. That’s what I believe.There’s just no good way to have the news drop to you that you have a tumor in your pelvis.

[7:05] And for a week and a half or two, it looked like it was going to be the malignant kind, and it wasn’t.And I was fortunate.But I will tell you, I have gotten to know a lot of people who had a tumor kind of in the pelvic region where it was malignant.And those friends are are not here with us today.Sam Lloyd is one who was a wonderful Episcopal priest who worked at the National Cathedral and then retired up at Suwannee, a wonderful close friend.And I would sit with him sometimes when he would come up for chemotherapy.And I just remember not this sense of why not me or why me?It’s just this sense of having this existential threat. It really really forces you to think about your life in a way that’s.

[7:56] Like I said, have I been meaning? So after you kind of get over the existential

From Mach 5 to Still: The Shocking Transition

[8:00] threat part of it, for me, because it was a pretty sizable resection.

[8:05] I had to be on bed rest for about two and a half months.And at the time, I was division director like I am now.I was vice chair of the department. I was program director for all the residents here in the department of neurosurgery. I had several research projects that were up and going and clinical outcomes research.So I was kind of going Mach 5, you know, and to go from Mach 5, you know, or a Warp 9 to impulse power, you know, just where you’re just still is really shocking to your system.And, you know, I always say there’s only so much Netflix you can watch, you know, and then you just your brain has to start doing something.So in the process of kind of moving through this existential threat with friends and with close Episcopal priest friends and a lot of good books, you know, that people that have gone through similar type of situations before, you know, I was able to move into this place where I have had a lot of blessings in this life.And part of the blessings in this life has been to take care of people at their just most vulnerable point and to really be able to help. help.And I thought that was so important.And so I wrote, actually, I wrote a funny piece, was the first piece that I wrote.And that came out in the New York Times Sunday Review.And I had a lot of emails from people saying, hey, that’s a funny piece. Congratulations.People that I knew in the pediatric neurosurgery world.

[9:30] And then my editor at the Times, a guy named Peter Catapano, it turns out his shtick was getting new writers to write more.And so Peter got me to write a serious piece.And that piece, the basic premise of that.

[9:46] Was that a young girl had been in a car accident and the weather was terrible.And ultimately, it was a Black Hawk helicopter in the National Guard in Alabama that brought her to us.And then later on in the piece, she was reflect. She sent me a letter reflecting back how grateful she was, you know, for all the people that had done all the things that it took to get her here.And I remember thinking how grateful I was to her because it was so early in my career and I was learning how hard to push and, you know, how much kids could recover and how many children since that point had really been affected by that.And when that piece came out, I had hundreds and hundreds of emails from people that I didn’t know talking about hope.And it was right as the pandemic was starting to kind of rise its head a little bit.And so I really started thinking about how these children that I’ve had the opportunity to care for have been so resilient and there’s been so much grace and they provide provides so much hope.

Joy and Grief: Inseparable Emotions

[10:42] I mean, yes, there is sadness and yes, there is grief, but there is a lot of joy too.

[10:48] There’s a great quote by Khalil Gibran, who’s that Lebanese philosopher, wrote the prophet.The poem is on sorrow and joy. And part of it, he says, some of you say joy is greater than sorrow and others say, nay, sorrow is the greater.But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come. And when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.So really, there was so much of this kind of joy and grief together that I decided to start categorizing some of the stories that had occurred over the point of my life.So that’s a very long-winded way of saying that kind of taking the existential thread, taking the pushing by my sister to write some of these stories down, and then having the time because I was basically gone from Mach 5 to still, and then seeing what some of these these children had gone through and how most of them, or many of them had come out through resilient, with such resilience or the parents with such resilience.That was kind of the equation that ultimately led to me writing the book.

Overwhelmed Doctor? Discover the Virtual Caregiver Conference Resource

[11:52] Are you a doctor struggling to provide the best care for your patients while dealing with financial and caregiving matters out of the scope of your practice?Do you find yourself scrambling to keep up with the latest resources and wish there was an easier way?Then this virtual caregiver conference resource will save you time, money, and sanity by giving you all the resources and information your patients need in one place.This conference helps you and your patients enlist the best strategies around healthcare resources and the best financial steps for your patients while navigating tricky caregiving situations.You don’t have to go home feeling frustrated and helpless because you couldn’t connect your patients with the best services.Find out more at rxforsuccesspodcast.com slash conference or click the link in the show’s notes.You don’t want to miss this caregiver resource. source.

[12:45] Today’s episode is brought to you by Eagle Financial Group.Eagle Financial Group is here to help you understand your numbers and to make wise decisions, whether it’s fractional CFO services, accounting, bookkeeping, payroll, or tax strategies and preparation.Eagle Financial Group is your partner to ensure that your practice keeps on serving your patients and gives you more time to spend with your family and friends.It’s time that you overcome your obstacles and get control of your financial life today.Give Eagle Financial Group a call at 719-755-0043.Drop us an email at clientservicesateaglefsg.com or visit us online at eaglefsg.com.We are a proud sponsor of the MD Coaches family of podcasts.

Introducing Eagle Financial Group, your partner in financial matters.

[13:44] I can’t help but noticing that you experienced this existential threat and it triggered you to be writing stories about patients’ existential threat as well. Yeah.Was that a parallel that you noticed at the time as well?Well, I think it’s just, you know, when you’ve been brought to the edge, you can’t help but there’s like a badge that you wear, you know, and you can look and like you feel a real sense of familiarity.I mean, like I was saying before, is that, you know, like, what’s the reason for this, God?I’m already pretty compassionate, you know, but boy, does it change the way that you look at people?No longer do you loom over people and kind of make suggestions or make decisions for them.And it’s more like sitting next to them and having empathy for what they are going through and making decisions with them. And I think that had a pretty profound impact on me.You know, I think anytime that when I sit with a patient who has a brain tumor or a blood vessel malformation or some other type of diagnosis that is just not expected, you know, even, you know, an intrauterine ultrasound that shows spina bifida that needs to be corrected with intrauterine surgery, I can really understand that kind of that ball, that heavy weight that people can get inside their chest because I have felt that too. Yeah, absolutely.

[15:06] And you mentioned that, and I wanted to get to that, was how did this change you as a clinician?And you already mentioned there was a shift from compassionately maybe talking to now talking with, more of a shared decision-making.Can you say a little bit more about that? Can you give us some language behind how that, if I were watching you before and I’m watching you after your illness, what would I be noticing that’s different?

Dr. Wellens’ illness brought a shift in patient interactions.

[15:37] Well, you know, I had a long email from one of my patients who, the young boy needed about four different operations for something that he was born for. And it just was a stepwise fashion.And this email came to me about five weeks ago. and she basically said, you know, I don’t remember what it is that happened to you or what it is that you had, but I’m glad that you made it through it, Dr. Wellens.And it changed you. And the way that you talk to us and the way that you talk to me changed. It’s like you understood more.

[16:10] And that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I just think I understand where people that are frightened come from or somebody that has pain.You can say all you want to about understanding pain, but until you have pain yourself that you can’t squirm around in bed and get away from, you really don’t understand pain until you have that.And so I do feel changed and I do feel like a camaraderie with patients.Just like I’m one of them, but I’m also been given the ability to help them.And so it’s kind of my responsibility to do that. Yeah, absolutely.What it makes me also wonder about, because I know that you’re involved in an educational program, you’re program director for the neurosurgery residency.Well, I will say I was. I’m now program director emeritus, which is an even nicer position to be in because I I get to say that I was program director, but I don’t have to do all the paperwork.

[17:11] That’s great. And are you still involved in teaching?

Dr. Wellens awarded the Master Teacher Award for surgeons.

[17:14] Yes. All the residents got together a couple of years ago, two years ago, and nominated me for the McCleary Award, which is the Master Teacher Award for all the surgeons at Vanderbilt.And I was awarded that about a year and a half ago. And that was that was a huge honor for me just because I think you can win awards and get all types of things.But when you get something from your people that you teach, you know, I think that’s the most meaningful because it really says, you know, that what you’re what you’ve done has been has been important to them.And then they outgoing chief resident kind of in a very clandestine manner sent me the sent me the letter that that they sent in.

[17:59] For the nomination. And that’s something I’ll keep forever. That was incredibly meaningful.Yeah. Congratulations to you. And to that end, I’m imagining that some of the lessons that you impart to them, that’s not just surgical technique, especially around what we’re now talking about, are part of the reason for that award.And I’m wondering what, if anything, thing you can pull from your experience as a patient, do you impart to your learners?I think I just openly talk about it. I mean, I just, I still have pain on and off, you know, and I think maybe previous generations would have not opened, would have been open about that.I certainly don’t like walk around and say, hey, I’m Jay, I’ve got pain all the time.But sometimes sometimes it flares up and sometimes it’s worse than others, but, you know, sometimes I can just be open about it.And, you know, people ask, talk to them about it and say, you know, this just, these things happen from time to time.And you could either go to the existential way, like this is a fallen world and, and, you know, that therefore things are imperfect, or you can just go to a, this is what happens when you, as you get older and, you know, things happen to your body and, you know, things grow and you have to get them taken out.

Compassion in Patient Care

[19:21] And But I think being open about that with residents, but also showing compassion, trying to model compassion for them to patients that have pain.You know, sometimes people that have pain can be shuffled along the medical, you know, it’s like a centipede upside down with the legs moving.You know, it’s just that something gets shuffled along the legs, you know, and so like, well, I can’t help this person in pain.I want to have to keep doing my work.But maybe being able to dig in and say, you know what, I know that this patient’s come to me with, you know, a two inch deep stack of information from other hospitals that have a history and that they’re looking for secondary or tertiary or quaternary opinion.And, you know, instead of recoiling from that, you know, really it’s leaning into that and saying, you know, I think I’m really good at helping people that are in those kind of situations, you know, in our pediatric neurosurgery world.So I think modeling that’s probably the most important thing.You know, I think being open about it, you know, like, okay, guys, rounds needs to be done by 10 on Sunday because I have to get to my very favorite yoga class because that is really helpful for me, you know, and everybody’s like, we’ve got to get well as a yoga, you know, which is great and fun, but that is important to me.And so I think having those discussions about wellness is important, but then also modeling it so that they can, residents can see that compassion really does make a difference.

Importance of Modeling Wellness

[20:44] Hi, I’m Rhonda Crowe, founder and CEO for MD Coaches.Here on Rx for Success, we interview a lot of great medical professionals on how they grew their careers, how they overcame challenges, and how they handle day-to-day work.I really hope you’re getting a lot of great information.But if you’re looking for an answer to a specific problem, management or administration challenge, or if you’re feeling just a bit burnt out, like maybe you chose the wrong career, well, then there’s a faster way to get the help you need.No, it’s not counseling. It’s coaching.Rx for Success is produced by MD Coaches, a team of physicians who have been where you are.I know you’re used to going it alone, but you don’t have to.Get the support you need today. Visit us at mymdcoaches.com to schedule your complimentary consultation. consultation.Again, that’s mymdcoaches.com because you’re not in this alone.

Introducing Physician Outlook Magazine

[21:46] We’ll get back to our interview in just a moment. But right now, I want to tell you a little bit about Physician Outlook.If you haven’t discovered this remarkable magazine, please do so very soon.It was created by physicians for physicians to showcase the intersection between clinical and non-clinical interests.Whether it’s writing, painting, cooking, politics, and dozens of other topics, Physician Outlook gives a physician perspective. It’s available online and in print.It’s really unique among physician lifestyle magazines.And like the Prescription for Success podcast, Physician Outlook amplifies the voice of any physician who has something to say. It also engages patients who still believe in physician-led, team-based care.And Prescription for Success listeners can get three months free when you enter our promo code RX4SUCCESS and select the monthly option at checkout.That’s a really great deal on this stunning publication.And now let’s get back to today’s interview. you.

[22:56] And speaking of compassion, that makes me want to talk about something else that came up in the RX for Success podcast with Randy.You were talking about your draw to pediatric neurosurgery and one of the parts that you mentioned was that you grew up in a household in which compassion passion was demonstrated, it was modeled, and it was also expected.And I’m just curious, you know, for the parents out there, what was it like in your, I mean, say some more about that. What was your family like?How did that get modeled? How did it get expressed?Yes. Well, so I grew up in a small town in Columbia, Mississippi, about 12,000 in the whole county.So the city itself, the city, the town itself was about, I think five, 5,500 or so. So we went to a small Episcopal church that had 25 members, but there were large other churches in the community, just like many towns in the South.My mom was a stay-at-home mom. She was very involved in the church.

[23:59] Was president of a company and then also had his whole time in the Air National Guard in which he had various leadership positions, including the head of the Air National Guard group in Meridian, Mississippi, which was about an hour and a half away.At the time was a colonel. And then when he retired, was retired as a two-star general. So that was a big part of his life.But I think I think a lot of the compassion that I saw, I saw in my mom.

Compassion Modeled by Parents and Community

[24:27] I mean, my dad was certainly a compassionate person. I mean, he was not the great Santini, you know, in terms of like, you know, being a fighter pilot and an overt amount of bravado.He was a wonderful person who was very much about self-actualization.But I think it really was my mom that showed me the compassion.

[24:45] You know, she, for a two-year stint, was president of the National Episcopal Church Women group.You know, to see her model compassion in care for children at risk, for example, which was something that she started in Mississippi. recipient.And that grew to be able to be a fundraising effort and a way to help that, you know, children who are coming out of homes that were broken and, you know, how to help them make sure that they don’t, you know, fall far behind in school and fall far behind in life.You know, I can remember, you know, around Christmas every year, she would say it’s time for us to go shopping for this certain family that we had connected with.And so we would, you know, I wouldn’t want to go, you know, I was like, mom, come on, it’s Christmas.I don’t want to go and then she would make me go and we would go get food and clothes and toys and then come home and wrap it and then take it this one family who lived in a trailer uh out deep in kind of the woods of south mississippi and they didn’t really have a christmas and the mom was mentally impaired and the dad had some issues with um alcohol addiction and um there were two little children in that trailer.

[25:53] And so, you know, every Christmas or Easter holiday, my mom would make sure that that family had something for their children and something to celebrate.You know, I saw that over the years and then went off to boarding school, went off to college, then went to medical school and then residency, and then had 10 years of my career at UAB.And then a few years into my time here at Vanderbilt, my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma.And after a few years of treatment, and procured and then she passed away.And at the viewing, there was a woman there with her child and we kind of knew, my two sisters and I knew all the people that were there, but we didn’t know who that woman was.And so ultimately we finally came and I just introduced myself to her.And she was the little girl who had grown up in that trailer.

[26:46] And she remembered my mom and had kept up with my mom.And now she had a job and a home and a husband and a house and was really quite successful in this in this life and was just wanted to be there to show her love and respect for my mom.

The Impact of Compassion on One Person’s Life

[27:03] And I just had a tremendous effect on me because that was 25, 30 years later from those days when, you know, maybe even longer, like 35 years later from those days when we did that.And to see the effect that that degree, just simple compassion and love and empathy can have on someone’s life, just one person’s life.Boy, that’s a really important thing.Very powerful. It was something to model all around my house, really.Yeah, very powerful. That was paying it forward before that became a household phrase.Wow. No, I was going to say my own kids, they were fortunate to have four grandparents who modeled, who had compassion in their lives. You know, my wife’s mother was an academic psychologist and she worked with disabled children.My wife’s father was a court of appeals judge in Mississippi, you know, saw kind of his work in his church and in his community and his work.So none of the four are with us anymore.But my children certainly have, you know, that passed on to them that they see as something that’s important. And that’s important to me and my wife, for them to see that and make sure that that’s something that they take forward too.You know, I just have a final set of questions about this, you know, for, especially you’re a medical educator, you’re working in an academic center, and even just being in the healthcare system in general.

[28:32] We all know that compassion isn’t the focus of everybody who becomes a healthcare professional.

[28:38] Some people are motivated by being a technician.Some people are motivated by the cognitive stimulation of figuring out a puzzle and don’t really necessarily connect with patients. patients.I’m curious whether you noticed yourself being different than some of your colleagues or classmates.

[28:58] Or whether even if you’re being compassionate with patients may not have been seen as a strength during your training. I’m just curious about that.Oh, that’s a good point. I mean, I’ll write about it a little bit in the book, but I went into medicine to really try to understand the human condition.I was an English major at University to Mississippi.I had had some amazing teachers, Ellen Douglas and Barry Hanna, some wonderful Southern writers.I kept thinking to myself that, you know, going into medicine would be a way to help people, but would also help me understand the human condition more.And, you know, boy, is that the case, right? I mean, you really do get that.But yes, in medical school, I think probably most in residency because you’re just so busy.You know, back in those days, there were no work hour restrictions so we just we really were residents of the hospital you know and to make a human connection with people it was really these fleeting moments these kind of micro moments you know holding the head of a holding the hand of a of a dying man in the emergency room under the blanket you know so nobody would see that you know um you know having to compassionately tell somebody that their husband is not going to wake up or that their child is is is going to be forever paralyzed.

[30:15] You know, believe it or not, there are ways to do that that are quite cold.

[30:19] And that news of those things is never easy to deliver.But there are ways that you can deliver it. I think I’ve learned over the years, and again, I try to let my residency, where you just kind of open your up and say, you know, I’m just so sorry this has happened.And if I could take this away, I would in a second.Just ways that you can take some things from your past and use it to care for the patients that you’re seeing in front of you. And then hope that the people that are with you pick that up and move that forward. Yeah, nice.Well, thank you, Jay. I really appreciate your taking the time to be back with us and sharing your story of origins of compassion, but then also how that really deepened with your own experience.And hopefully people don’t have to have their own illness experience to arrive there.Yeah, that’s right. Right. That’s right. We don’t want that for people.We need compassion for compassion’s sake alone. You know, it’s like, what is Gandhi?Gandhi says the best way to lose, to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others, you know.And I think that that is a really wonderful way to maybe summarize what we’re trying to talk about.And that’s a beautiful summary for this podcast.

[31:33] So, Dr. Jay Wellens, thank you again so much for coming back and being with us and imparting some some more words of wisdom in addition to those that you’ve already put out there in various places that you have.So thank you again. Really appreciate it. Great to be here.

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